The right tool.
For the wrong idea.

Our largest horseshoe magnet, forged for customers who believe the right answer to any question is "more magnet." It finds dropped screws, lost keys, misplaced tools and, on a good day, the tool cabinet in the next room.

Two hand-polished poles, a lacquered finish in classic Acme red, and a carrying handle that is technically optional. Every unit is individually tested by pointing it at the warehouse and seeing what arrives.

Sometimes a plan simply needs something very, very heavy, and nothing says "very heavy" like four hundred pounds of riveted steel. Our safe ships empty, because what you put in it is your business and what you do with it is, frankly, your problem.

A brass dial with a combination you choose yourself, a door that closes with a deeply satisfying thud, and a factory paint finish that makes it look serious in any setting.

All the majesty of a full-size mountain, in a package that fits comfortably under the bed. Just pull the tab, add air, and step well back while your landscape becomes considerably more dramatic.

Ideal for blocking a view, creating a view, or settling a long-running argument about who has the bigger garden. Snowcap sold separately.

For the customer whose garden projects have always lacked one essential ingredient: thrust. A classic steel barrow with a single pneumatic tire and a rear-mounted propulsion unit, so you can move topsoil, firewood or yourself at speeds the original design never anticipated.

The ergonomic handles have a throttle grip on the right and a strongly worded label on the left. Load capacity is generous. Load retention is something we are still working on.

Put a little more spring in your step. Then considerably more spring than you anticipated. Each boot houses a precision coil tested to launch the wearer over hedges, fences and most minor obligations.

Adjustable straps fit nearly every shoe size, and the high-traction soles grip beautifully on takeoff. Landing has been left to the customer as a matter of personal style.

For those hard-to-reach places directly above the place you meant to go. Our pogo stick pairs a heavy-duty spring with a compact rocket booster, turning every bounce into a small personal launch.

Comfort-grip handles, an extra-bouncy foot plate and a fuel gauge you will have very little time to read. Every customer reports getting somewhere. Few report getting where they meant to.

Any wall. Most of the time. Unfold this flat-pack doorway against a solid surface, smooth out the corners, and step through to the other side of the problem. It folds neatly when you're done and fits in its own carrying case.

A favorite with customers who find stairs tedious, hallways inefficient and locked doors philosophically unacceptable. Each doorway comes with a convenient carrying sleeve and a frame you can paint to match the décor.

One tin. One brush. One extremely persuasive picture of a shortcut. Paint it on any fence, hedge or workshop partition, and enjoy the feeling of having found a quicker way through.

Our proprietary pigment dries in minutes and looks convincing from almost any angle. It is especially effective on people in a hurry.

Point the way to somewhere else. Six weatherproof signs, two posts and arrows for every direction except, somehow, the one anyone originally intended.

Perfect for redirecting traffic, visitors or your own conscience. Signs mount easily and remain confidently wrong for years.

Medieval engineering, modern instructions. Our flat-pack trebuchet assembles in a single weekend with nothing more than the included hex key, a sturdy lawn and boundless optimism.

Launch pumpkins, water balloons, garden waste or long-held grudges with astonishing range and almost no precision. The counterweight is where most of the excitement lives.

Every month, a new and irresistible-looking treat arrives at your door, carefully chosen to tempt whatever it is you are hoping to tempt. Previous selections have included Premium Cheese Wedges, Suspiciously Fresh Pie and the ever-popular Single Unattended Sandwich.

Each box comes with a tasteful display card and a sign reading "Free, no catch."

A handsome umbrella for unusually specific weather. Its canopy is stitched from heavy-gauge canvas over a steel frame, and the handle has been tested well beyond what any rain has ever asked of it.

Particularly popular with customers who live near trebuchets, magnets or people who own both. Available in Acme green.